Mastering solitude
Last year, Sky Stephens turned 18, moved across the country, evacuated from her first hurricane and recovered from Covid. Here’s what she learned about mental health along the way.
Behind This Story
This article is part of "Get Ya Mind Right," a multimedia content series and event exploring mental wellness and mental health care access in New Orleans. The series was produced by the Fall 2022 Lede New Orleans Community Reporting Fellows who spent 16 weeks researching, completing interviews and documenting local stories around mental health and mental wellness. If you or someone you know is struggling or in crisis, help is available. Call or text 988 or chat 988lifeline.org.
By Skylar Stephens
Last spring, I graduated high school, turned 18 and moved 1,000 miles from Canton, Ohio, my hometown, to New Orleans. I had never lived outside of Canton or apart from my family. I grew up with the support of my parents and older brother (that’s a photo of 1-year-old me up above). I was always surrounded by aunts, uncles and cousins. Yet there I was, headed to Xavier University of Louisiana to begin my college career and start the next chapter of my life. I was excited getting off of the plane and stepping into the Louisiana heat. I walked around New Orleans and saw the blend of Spanish, French and African influence through the language and food. I fell in love with Cajun flavors and the local nightlife.
Canton is smaller, less busy and colder. New Orleans was so different. I was most excited for the new freedoms of young adulthood. I had prepared for and anticipated those freedoms for a long time. I worked throughout high school and saved my money so I could buy myself a car, a step closer to independence. I’ve always felt like being mentally and financially prepared to be on my own was important. That if I prepared for the moment, the feeling of being alone wouldn’t sink in as much when that time came. Still, I felt the full weight of that new freedom the minute my parents boarded their flight back to Ohio.
Fast forward to August last year. Hurricane Ida was about to make landfall in south Louisiana as a Category 4 storm. I had only been in New Orleans for two weeks. I had no nearby family to evacuate to and no plan.
Being far from family seemed freeing until I realized how much support I needed in that moment. I was worried and overwhelmed.
I didn’t know how I was going to get across the country to my family in a storm. Luckily, I was able to evacuate to Texas with my roommate and fly back to Ohio from there, but that wouldn’t be the only time I would face emergencies far from home.
I caught COVID for the first time in December, shortly after returning back to school following the storm. When I used to get sick back home, I knew that my parents would take care of me, get me to the doctor and make sure I had the medicine that I needed. This time, I had no choice but to take care of myself. I felt so alone and overwhelmed. I was drowsy and slept for hours on end. I could hardly get out of bed. To make it worse, I was quarantined in an empty dorm room with no windows. I was barely aware of what time of the day it was and I had to depend on a resident assistant at my Xavier dorm to bring me meals when they found time. My body felt weak and so did my mind. I thought there was no way that I could feel so bad and still have to pull it together for myself, but what other option did I have? I was a big girl in college, hundreds of miles from home with no family close by. I couldn’t only be an adult when it was fun, I had to be an adult when it mattered too.
The past year has forced me to confront situations that I didn’t think I could–both physically and mentally. From a mental health perspective, learning to master being alone has been important for me. I’ve had to learn how to care for myself and be comfortable with solitude. I’ve grown more comfortable venting to myself and enjoying my own company.
I’m now 19 years old. There are still some things that I’m learning, but I feel I’m on my way to being content with myself. While I work on building a second family here in New Orleans, with friends who love, support, and care for me, I’m also building that same love, care and support for myself, within myself. That gives me hope.
Skylar Stephens is a Fall 2022 Community Reporting Fellow. She is a journalist, emerging photographer and a student at Xavier University of Louisiana, where she writes from the Xavier Herald. Stephens, 19, grew up in Canton, Ohio. She recently completed a fellowship with the Black and Missing Foundation.
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